Happy New Year, please

I know that I did a happy new years thing before but I dont remember what I put.   I know I was probably being mostly snarky....and i probably will be in this too, but i would like to wish those of you that actually read this a Happy New Year!

I am begging for a GOOD YEAR.  One full good year.  PUH-LEZE!!!  I don't think that is asking for too too much.
2009 was the start of my downfall.  I thought 2010 was gonna be good and it was pretty good, I was learning the new me and getting some independence back and some life back, and then it went down the shitter.
NO MORE MOTHER EFFIN BRAIN SURGERIES PLEASE!!!!!!  AND NO MORE BODY ORGANS REMOVED!!!!!  NO MORE TITANIUM INSERTED.  I am done done done done done.  I need to get my life back please.

I mean really, I need a life.  I need to stop being in fear, and to be able to start planning things for future.  I don't mean long future, just a weekend or something.  I need to be able to do that.  I can't do it now because i never know how i am going to feel.  If i am gonna be in a good mood or bad mood or too tired or too dizzy.  I friggin hate that.  I need to find me again.

I need to get a job.  A real job.  I am too high functioning for assembly line stuff through Life Works.  I REFUSE RETAIL.  I dont care, I REFUSE IT!!!!!  I need a real job, a career job.  Like helping people kind of job.  And yeah, I am most comfortable in hospitals, so still tossing around idea of Nurses Aide if I can just get over my anxieties about myself.  I gotta stop second guessing myself.  I CAN DO STUFF!!!   TBI does not define me, it is just a part of who I am, gotta stop letting it get the best of me.

So for new years, here I go....
   I will not get on a motorcycle.  LOL
   I will try to get a job (after more rehab)
   I will be proactive and get rehab
   I will try to find more friends
   I will officially let go of and not hold out hope for those friends that have left me.  I have to let go, I cannot hold on it hurts too much.
   I will try to define a new life "normal" for me.
   I will try to forget the past.
   I will grow hair  :)

   Again, Happy New Year to you all.  Hope 2011 rocks!!!!!!!!

And Yes, I did forget one thing.  THANKS SHANNON...i will spoil my nephew BOO BEAR!!!  I will spoil him so so so rotten.  I mean I did spoil him when he was just a picture still..gotta spoil him hard core now that he is out and about.  :)