Saturday, May 3, 2014

1979 to life

1979 Born 1980-1997- Innocence, freedom, boo boos, learning, happiness, teenage angst, hockey, softball, basketball, skiing, ballet, gymnastics, art. Learning. Hating my parents, loving my parents. Locking myself in my room, sneaking cigarettes, underage drinking. Working, school, loving my job. Graduation. 1997-2001. College, oh college. Classes? What classes? Don't be ridiculous. Bring on the beer. Sneaking beer and St Ides into the dorms. I was the buyer....angel I am. Jobs, parties, classes. Social and academic probation at the same time. I was AWESOME. Math...fuck math. Expelled due to math. Fight with the dean to get back in. Winning!! Party, beer pong, asshole, beer, bullshit, beer. beer pong. Graduate 6 months late. Fuck...real world happens. 2001-2008. Work at the mall, can't afford life, move back home. Miserable bitch. I hate home. Feel like a 22 year old loser living with mommy and daddy. Almost work at a gas station. Pittsburgh drinking and partying buddy saves me. Working in mortgage industry here I come. Mortgage industry you are an asshole. Move to burbs of Philly for asshole industry. Hate it. Make just one friend. Move back to Pittsburgh, live with friends, quit job and go back to school. Work 3 jobs. Quit school, move out of friends house, work 2 jobs. Drink, regular at bar, drink, work work work. Shitty gross skeegy slum lord. Move again. Change jobs. Work, drink, flirt, repeat. 2009 to present. Work, bar, flirt, be on call, poor choices with co-workers, walk, jog, exercise, healthy, drink, hungover, work, flirt, get on crotch rocket with boy been flirting with. FAIL!!!!! Coma. Operations, confusion, sad, angry, oblivious, stupid. Work, confused, overwhelmed, work work work. Body fails. Lose job I LOVE. lose friends. lose mom. Scared. Who am I? Where do I belong? What do I do? Too high functioning. Feel I don't have a place. Get a job, scared, confused, excel, bored. Get another job. Fail! Back to original job. Meet boys. Assholes, good ones, friends, keepers. Pretend to be a grown up, buy a house. Ho Moaner. 35 years.