Thursday, October 13, 2011

I should have been a stamp collector, it would have been cheaper than doctor collector

2 years of ups and downs and all arounds and doctor collecting.  Seriously, if I was a better nerd I would have collected stamps.  At least I could have sold them to other nerdy collectors and made money instead of spending money out the wazoo for co-pays.
In 2 years I have/have had:
Physiatrist (rehab doctor)
Primary Care
5 Physical Therapists
3 Occupational Therapists
2 Speech Therapists
2 Neuropsychologists
Infectious Disease
Ear Nose Throat
Neuro Ophthamologist
2 Audiologists
Home care nurse
And the newbie to the list is
 Pain Management.  Welcome to the team!

I think that is everyone.  If I have missed anyone, I am so sorry, no feelings hurt.  I did not do it on purpose, I have TBI.  Hell, its impressive I came up with all of that in the first place.

If anyone is in need of any of these kinds of doctors I will sell mine to you for $45,000 a piece.  All of them except my neurosurgeon and Primary care.  They are easy on my eyes, so let me have my fun while I have to have them on a team for me.

Please don't try any stupid stunts at home in order to try to be as cool as me to have all of these doctors, nurses and therapists.  It takes a ridiculously strong willed person and a very stubborn person to put up with this kind of horse shit and not let it completely knock you down.

To say I am frustrated is an understatement but I guess getting a pain management doctor is better than the alternative of surgery again.  Though I did say to my neuro that he is disappointing me since I have been aiming for a minimum of 2 surgeries a year since 2009.  But so far in 2011 I have not had any surgeries!!  Hopefully, this will become my new normal again.  For a while surgery was my normal, I kind of like the change of no surgery.  Though I will be honest, I miss the awesome drugs after surgery! :)

It is what it is, right folks?

Monday, October 3, 2011

Reflections of 2 years

2 years ago I was still working at the schools with the at risk kids.
I had more friends.
I was lusting after one guy.
I was hanging at the bar a lot with David and Brad
I was lusting after another guy.
Play on playa!
I was bopping around life like a single crazy 30 year old woman
with no idea it would change drastically on 10/7/09

I got on a motorcycle and life got flipped turned upside down.

In 2 years I have gone through hell and back multiple times, but I never stay in hell.  I keep on going.

I have had 5 different surgeries, 4 on the brain.  I have been transported back and forth from hospitals and Western PA and Eastern PA too many times to count.  The mileage my parents must have put on the cars must be phenomenal.

Hospitals have become my comfort zone.  And that is why I now work at one.

Friends have visited me, friends have texted me, friends have dealt with my emotional highs and lows.  Friends have taken good care of me and made sure I kept my sanity.  So thank you Shannon and Will, Marieke and Rich.  And a special shout out to Mike who met me after my brain scramble and still put up with me and dealt with my outbursts and craziness and did not leave me hanging friendless.  And thanks Mike for pushing me out of my driving comfort zones.  That has helped immensely!

I have gotten a bit better with hurt of the loss friends, but sometimes it still kicks me in the ass.  I miss that part of my life immensely.  The going on hikes, the going to a certain bar, the going on random drives, the drinking on the deck, just the general hanging out.

2 years in the brain injury world is still nothing.  I am still a baby in this world, but a damn advanced baby.  Even at a 6 month follow up with my neuro, I vaguely remember him being shocked with my progress.  At that point I was where people that are normally a year to a year and  a half into TBI.   How I have been so lucky to be where I am today is beyond me.   I still feel broken in some aspects and that frustrates me.  But I do not feel as broken as I did at some points.  I know this is the best I am going to be and I have to let go of the past, but I cannot do it.  I truly want parts of the old me back, the original me.  But I do like some aspects of this me.  I am what I am.

I still have anxieties, I still have fears, I still have minor medical stuff.  I just have to keep pushing myself.  I still have issues figuring out left shoe, right shoe when putting my shoes on.  I still sometimes get flustered driving.  But I have improved greatly from what I was even a few months ago with my driving.  I still occasionally get overwhelmed at stores.  That has to do with  my impulse issue of wanting to buy everything I see.  I am easily influenced by marketing apparently.  And shiny things, but what female isn't?  But at least I can handle stores now on my own.  At one point grocery shopping was torture!!  Freaked me the hell out.  At one point getting gas for the car was anxiety inducing.

At one time not too long ago I was trying to get cognitive therapy so I can handle the world and try to get a job.  If you asked me a question I could not answer.  It was like my brain was on super speed cycle trying to figure out how to answer a question.  Sometimes I still have issues with that, mostly I need specific questions, but I can handle it now.  Being able to answer questions led me to getting a job.  And since I could not get cognitive therapy (I apparently did not really qualify WTF?) my job has been my cognitive therapy.  It allows me to handle change, the unknown, to think on my feet, to have a quicker reaction time.  Basically to be the wonder woman I am.

Thank you to those of you that have stuck with me through thick and thin, Thanks to my Mom :( and Dad for always being there for me and not giving up on me when I wanted to give up on myself.  And thanks to my Mom who is still finding ways to help me.  AMAZING!!!!!

2 years with many many many more to come because I rock at this thing called life!