Saturday, April 9, 2011

The little things

I wish there were more real life people in my life.  I love my facebook people, but I need more real life people too.  Again, to harp on the same ol same ol, i really miss my friends I had before I decided to rearrange my brain and have a cluster fucked life.  D, B, M, D, S.  I miss you as friends.  Some day I may put in all of the letters of the names and really throw ya out there.  The real life people I see the most have PhD, MD, MSW after their names.  Or they work at Giant Eagle, Kmart, or Family Dollar.

I pretty much never liked weekends, even in my before TBI life.  I always needed  to be busy busy busy and now I need it even more.  But now I need it to celebrate the things in my life.  The things that to most people are normal occurances but to me are a pretty big thing.  I guess almost dying and having a brain rearrangement and trying to over come things,  makes things more exciting.

I used to text people when I had my first stand up shower.  I texted people when I was able to go to the grocery story without freaking the hell out.  I texted people when I got my first haircut.  I texted people when I drove at night.  I texted people when I drove in a thunder storm.  I texted people when I drove in a little teeny bit of snow.  These are major mother effin accomplishments for me.

I texted people and posted on  facebook about my interview!  I left with such a good feeling and then the next day to find out I had an offer was pretty THRILLING.  I just wish I had people to celebrate with.  I need to bring fun and joy back into my life.  I put up a front, but lots of times I dont find things really fun, and that is because I cannot let go of the old me, my old life.  I need to do that.   This is not a call for pity or sympathy, it is just stating facts.  Its just that every little thing is a cause for celebration for me and I dont really get to celebrate.  It is what it is.