Saturday, December 31, 2011

goodbye 2011 hello 2012

A year of reflection and rambling by me.

For the first time since 2008 and 1979-1996, then 1997-2008 I have not had any surgeries! So one full year since my cluster fuck of breaking my head open and my life, I have not had any surgeries. That is a big accomplishment in my book.

I am not going to focus on the losses for once, I am going to focus on the gains.

In 2011 I have gained some self confidence back.

I have gained some more doctors. And for me the professional doctor stalker this is awesome.

Change does not rock my world and make my head explode as much as it used to.

Independence again.

I gained a mother friggin job! Much needed and think this has helped with the self confidence and the ability to handle change.

Weight. Damn you weight, you need to go away in 2012.

Work acquaintances and friends. I needed this. I needed people and this has helped with a majority of the depression going away. The depression is one loss I am willing to bring up right now. Now back to the gains.

A greater love for my father. We actually say I love you now. We never did that before.

The ability to realize I am a hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.

Being able to sometimes ask for help. I cannot always do that, but I can do it at times. My stubborn ass and the rest of my body always hated asking for help. Thought it showed a sign of weakness but now I know it's actually a sign of strength.

A boo here and there. LOL. Maybe I can find one that sticks in 2012.

As 2011 closes the biggest loss was my mother. That was like a kick in the heart, back, head, and ass. The one thing I will always always remember...and I wish my short term memory was shittier at times due to this one moment. In January of 2011 when she was in the hospital the doctors asked if she had any stress in her life. She said that she did, that her daughter was in an accident, is a brain injury survivor and was close to death and was still having some issues and just got back from another brain surgery. It is true. In December of 2010 I had my last brain surgery, and then mom was in the hospital for complications. I know my accident did not cause her cancer, but I felt a twinge of guilt. I know stress of me did not cause the cancer to worsen, but still, I will always remember her saying that. :(

As for 2012 here is what I want to try to do.

Take over the world.

Seriously look into and try to figure out financially, sanely, safely trying to go to school part time for either nursing or Patient Care Technician.

Stay off of motorcycles.

Try to have some more fun. I miss fun, I really do.

Try again to let go of my old life. I have to stop comparing this life to my old life. I have to embrace what I have. Easier said than done, but I will try.

Try to keep a boo. Yeah, I'm harping on this...but Wonder Woman needs a full time man. LOL. too hard to remember things about one then move on to another then another. Give a girl a break. lol

Finally get my invisible jet out of the shop. They have been working on that for like 2 years!! I need to get it to another Invisible Jet mechanic and maybe they can fix it. I'm sick of this driving shit like a normal human. :)

Goodbye 2011...hello 2012. Please please bring all good for me. I need good, I deserve good. I do enough good for others so can I please have a chance?