just me...raw

Bits of my life.

A home care nurse comes weekly to work on my picc line and to draw blood from me.  My blood needs checked weekly to make sure the infection I had in my skull is gone.  I don't know why I need to be checked for that all of the time since the part of my skull that was really infected is no longer in my head. Yeah, I have a hole in my skull now.  I am hard core like that.  That is why I eventually am getting a diamond encrusted platinum plate.  And I am gonna get it on the outside not the inside.  I am gonna rock that bling like no other!  I don't need grills on my teeth, I am gonna have a plate on my head!  AWESOME!!

I am still looking for jobs.  It is one of my hobbies.  But I am almost giving up.  Not quite, but almost.  I doubt myself lots.  Who wants someone that is half broken?  Honestly, who would want THIS working for them?  The good thing is, is that since i am labled disabled now if someone hires me that is not in the non profit sector I am a tax break for them.  So that is my spin.  To hell with my awesomeness, hire me because I am a tax break for ya!

One of the things that sucks the most about my particular TBI (traumatic brain injury) is the loss of friends/relationships.  Just when I most needy some of people in my life disappear or are forced to not be involved.  And some people have stayed around but it is not the same.  I know a lot of that rests on me because I am a bit different and kind of self centered now and the same things don't interest me that used to.  I feel like I always need to be doing something, not just sitting watching tv or movies or something.  That will change in time once I start being around people more.  I promise it will change.  It is just that when I am finally around people all I want to do is talk talk talk and do stuff since I spend lots of alone time.
It is common for people with TBI to lose friends.  Its just weird and sucks that is a common factor.  We all have different forms of TBI yet we all have lost friends.

I am a bottomless pit of needs and wants.

One cool thing is that I am trying to make new friends which is something I boycotted months ago.  I refused to believe that I was losing my friends and that I needed new people.  Plus I was afraid to have to explain myself if I did something weird or repeated myself lots or something else tbi related.  But I have self esteem back now.  I don't give a shit what people think of me anymore.  Take me or leave me, I am what I am.  So now I am throwing myself out there and meeting new peeps.  So far so good!  Hi new peep!  And for those of you that may have left me.  Your loss.  I thought it was my loss at first.  And I am not saying it doesn't suck, but.....your loss is bigger than mine.  I am awesome and don't you forget that!