My world...funny and angry. lol

Ummmm...hey there mall Santa.  I am pretty sure you are not supposed to wink at me and check my butt when I walk past.   LOL.  Yeah, go me!!!  I guess I am just going to have to add Mall Santa to the list of all the random men that dig me.  Old, random, homeless, geriatric, and Santa.  I RULE  I always liked Santa, but I don't think I ever liked him THAT way.  I mean, c'mon, if I am a good girl like THAT I better get a pony.   LOL

    And I make up songs to go along with my life.  They are to the tune of real songs.   Here are my words and the real words to the parts of the songs.  Hope you can handle it.  lol. 

All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth
All I want for Christmas is my titanium plate


Barbie Girl, or my version, TBI Girl. 
I'm a tbi girl in a normal world,
Neuroplastic it's fantastic

I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!

Marilyn Manson, Dope Show  My version, Brain Show

The drugs they say, make the synapses fire.
I love my brain
titanium and wire
docs and nurses
won't feel my ire
Hate today, hope for tomorrow
I'm an allstar now, in the brain show


The drugs they say
Make us feel so hollow
We love in vain
Narcissistic and so shallow
The cops and queers
To swim you have to swallow
Hate today
No love for tomorrow
We're all stars now in the dope show

 Yeah I do have my humor but I do still have anger.  I just really really really want my life back.  I was all excited thinking i was going to  try to get into the Pennsylvania Head Injury program but looking into it, it seems to be alot about money.  I am not going to go into details, but it is not gonna work for me and my situation.  It just sucks because I know I need cognitive therapy, rehabilition or whatever you want to call it.  but I know I need help with my anger, sadness, impulse control, loss of words, using wrong words, confusion, overwhelming feeling of life, Fear and anxities over life.  SCARED shitless about having to get a new job.  How am I gonna do an interview if I cant even answer a question like, "Hi, how are ya?"  The place I found by me that has all of this plus support groups does not take my insurance.  And this is stuff I NEED!!!!! 
   Again, I know I am lucky to be where I am in the head scrambled world, and I always feel like a bitch when I say this,but i really do wish I was more messed up sometimes so that I would not be aware of all my issues or so that more stuff would just get handed to me.

   And this too shall pass some day.  I HOPE!!!!!!!
   I need to find me, because I do feel lost.