Tonight I did something kind of epic for me. I am not overly excited about this but it is something I honestly never thought I had in me or would be able to do.
Physical therapy in the a.m. Came home, did 2 loads of laundry, napped, went to work 3-11. At work I impulsively thought "I should go to Wal-Mart after work" Impulsive, yes. But I did have a grocery list at home and I didnt really want to deal with grocery shopping on a saturday. I want to sleep in for once. At wal-mart on late friday night I should be able to do that. Less of a crowd, less stimulation. So, I went to Wal-Mart right from work after I got off at 11:30 and I went WITHOUT a list! YIKES, this is asking for trouble.
Driving there I had to keep reminding myself where I was going. I got there and took a few deep breathes, and tried to think of what I had on my list at home.
Shop shop shop! Oooh...I want THAT!!! No, I don't need that. Oooooohh...look at that cool thing, I should get it. NO!!!!!
So I bought what I thought was on my list. Saw some things I was not thinking of in the store, but pretty sure I had on my list.
Did I impulse buy??? Of course I did! I bought breakfast bowls, bananas, rice bowls, and tropical trail mix. Hey at least I didn't buy a watch, pair of shoes, a giant steak because it looked good, a roasted chicken, and any other random item that Wal-mart could possibly want this impulse shopper to buy And then I went home and put everything away and looked at my list. HOLY CRAP, I bought everything I had on my list.
What a difference time makes. The first time I went to Wal-Mart after my brain scramble I could not handle it. My friend had to drive because I still could not really drive all that well, especially if it was a high traffic area and it was somewhere I did not go to all that often in my before life. So my friend and I were in WallyWorld and I just wanted to hide under a pile of clothes. It was so loud, so bright, so much to look at, so many people. YIKES...it was a mess. I hated it, i swear my heart was going to pump right out of my chest. I don't think we lasted that long there. And I have slowly gotten better with being there with all of the stimulation, but I have also been there with one friend or another. Tonight was the first time I have driven there and tackled Wally by myself.
Progress!!!!
So, tired, hungry, out of my norm, after a long day, after work, I tackled Wal-Mart and WON! See Charlie Sheen, that is WINNING!!
So proud of you Darlin'!!! I know you work very hard at reclaiming your life, and EVERY hurdle, big or small is important and meaningful! You are amazing and a constant source of inspiration. You just keep right on rocking! Keep setting small, achievable goals....line 'em up and knock 'em down! Love you, "as is" but so happy for your progress toward more recovery.
ReplyDeleteKara, you are an amazing woman. I am so proud of you and your determination. Love you bunches.
ReplyDeleteGood Job, Kara, I'll give you my lists from now on....lol
ReplyDeleteThat's what winners do, babe. If you can get through Walmart unscathed, there's hope for all of us. Thanks for blazing the trail. We're right behind you. (Walmart as metaphor, obvi. I'm an impulse shopper too. Especially back when they put me on high doses of Ritalin. I went into a huge shoe store and in a few minutes I was walking around with SIX boxes of shoes. It dawned on me, in my Ritalin-addled state, that I didn't actually need SIX pairs, but I did buy four.) Where was I?
ReplyDeleteJust found out this blog. I had a TBI 2 years 4 months ago and going to WalMart or any stimulating place is a big struggle with feeling dizzy, weak legs, heart racting etc., Not many people understand what we TBI survivors fight with.
ReplyDeleteThings improved but depending on the day it can be ok or bad. Great to know you are winning the battle with WM by yourself and getting stronger. One day I will win that battle and start dancing right in the middle of WalMart. :)
Few things helping me for that is Vision Therapy, Neurofeedback.