Bitter...who me???? Nope, never!!! Yeah I harp on the Giffords stuff now, it is just a kick in the ass daily. And it does make me angry. I mean I am glad she is doing as well as she can. Down the line a lil more she will go through some more battles but she will get the care she mother friggin needs because of who she is.
I truly believe that if I was never terminated from my job, I would not be where I am today. I would have been able to adapt to the new me and continue thriving on my work. I should let it go, but I can't. I get so so so angry about it. Now I am trying to find out ways to get some cognitive rehab so I can be a "normal" functioning human being and get a job. But because I am not still in the mother friggin hospital I cant get a social worker from the hospital that knows the world of TBI.
So I am trying to go through another agency to get a case manager so I can get some help figuring out things. Like SSDI, Medicare, rehab, support groups, etc. But this other agency was asking me questions about TBI waivers and Brain Programs. Ummmmm.....I need the Case manager because I am not sure of this stuff nor how to do it. SHIT!!!
Guess I really need to just put on my big girl panties, suck it up and start applying for jobs for real. Sure, I cant answer how I am doing when that is asked of me, but I am sure I could do an interview with no problems. I can play being "normal" I can try to watch the innapropriate things that come out of my mouth on the regular, I can control my anger, I can control when I want to randomly burst into tears. I can stay wide awake for a full work day of learning new things. I can stay on track and focus, and not ask 101010000 questions. Don't mind me and my obsessive note taking and sorry if I dont remember that we met just 2 hours ago.
Yeah my high functioning ass has got this all under control.
I so understand where you are at!!! I was there too my friend!!
ReplyDeleteThere was a guy on DS who knew all about TBI waivers and such...I'll jump on and see how one goes about getting those for ya. I think I remember who it was!
You got your big girl panties on...that's who's saying WTF?! Keep on fighting for it...you'll get there!!
Karaboo! You live in a great city full of resources and opportunities. I am sure there must be an advocate out there for you somewhere in Pittsburgh. I hope you find him/her. I can't only imagine how big the mountain must look to you. I know how I feel when I get overwhelmed, and it's not fun. Take baby steps, chunk it all down to manageable tasks and accomplish them, and allow yourself to feel good about that! You are a winner. As for Giffords....well.....if you read the reports, they are still sugar-coating her progress quite a bit, as they are thinking about her career. No one wants to admit that she'll never succeed in Public Life again...
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