MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Christmas was good, but i noticed some new things about me yet again. These are new things that I am noticing at least since the titanium plate was placed on Dec. 8th.
Crowds and sounds and such have been a point of mine I do need to work on. But this Christmas eve I was getting my "sweaty palm disease" Yes, I self diagnosed myself with something. HA!! I have had enough surgeries I think I qualify as doctor now. :)
But, Christmas Eve was at families house. There was maybe 15 people there and I had to put myself into time out. I was getting so overwhelmed, anxious, self conscious, and just EEERRRRG!!!!! The christmas music and people talking was so overwhelming. Like a batrillion bees flying at me. I couldn't filter out if people were talking to me or just talking to each other. It is so hard for me since the scramble and now it was intensified. I was getting so angry at the situation and myself that I went to the garage to calm myself. Iutistic wish I could put these feelings into better words.
That was for about the first 3 hours. And then as my body acclimated and I calmed myself I was better and able to handle the night better. I just get so annoyed I have to change myself for situations. I just want to be "normal" again. I know that is not going to happen, I know that but that does not mean I still don't get frustrated!
Now I am gonna go get my new Black Eyed Peas cd and bounce around and shake my groove thang!!! LOL. Makes me happy, I love me some Pop, R&B, Rap now. LOVE IT!!!! Puts me in a good place. If you get a chance read Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon fiction/sci fi about an autistic man (high functioning) that listens to music at work, he is allowed. I get it!! I need that if I get a job. Just to be able to function.
Well, thats my rambling for today!!
:)
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