My neuro says it is because my brain is pissed off because it is not in its nice cozy cocoon like it is used to being in and likes. And honestly I know that it is at least physically pissed. I can feel my brain when I am thinking, concentrating too hard, etc. It is so so so weird. I can feel it pulse against the part of my skull that has a hole in it. Talk about weird ass feeling. And sometimes it is a sharp pain. So as my brain is pissed because it is not cozy, I seem to get more pissed. And more easily overwhelmed. And quicker to cry, lose my words more, concentration is really shot to shit. I seem to drive aimlessly and get lost even though I originally know where I was going. I went to the grocery story about an hour ago, and I Have finally been able to do that. But now, it rocked my world. I got confused, and forgot what I wanted and had to constantly look at my list. And was getting angry with people just existing and being at the store. So I guess those of you that ran away from me. GOOD JOB thinking ahead so you wouldn't have to deal with the hot mess that I am. Guess it is another EXCELLENT THING that I lost my job too!
So for all the anger and sadness I am also scared. I seem to be pissing off people left and right. And am scared because I am changing and I don't like it one bit. I mean I know I have changed since this as all happened, but I am changing now too in a weird way that I am aware of. I dont like the anger, confusion, lost, sadness. It's kinda getting nuts.
I am also kinda scared because what the fuck is going on with my insides??? Besides my brain all fucked up, and besides my galbladder going bye bye, and besides liver needing to be stented, there is now more crap going on. Does this shit ever end? Really, does it? I mean I know I am bionic and radioactive with all of the tests I have had done, but I would really like this to end.
One day had my pee checked and it was all fine. 2 days later it is checked again and I have the beginnings of a UTI. I can see the charting of what they check. The numbers of the "bad" stuff they don't want in my pee go from trace/0 to 5 or higher. Really??? Super cool!!
Now have to go to a GI doctor. Went to see one, she didn't really know what to make of me, and now I am getting a colonoscopy on Thursday. I am calling Katie Couric so that they can televise it like when they televised hers. Figured half my friends have seen my va-jayjay when I was in the hospital the first time, you all might as well see the insides of my asshole :) I have gained 20 pounds in a month. Who the hell does that????? I DO, because i am WW. I can't fly now because my cape can't handle my fat ass. :) Thyroid was checked and that is ok...maybe they should check again since my body likes to play tricks on doctors too and change daily.
Yes I do still toss in some humor I have to or I really would go nuts.
So this is a mass apology. I am sorry I have been more crazy lately. I really can't help it, I am off the hizook. After my plate gets added the neuro said that should help because the brain wont be that pissed off. Here's to hopin my diamond encrusted plate is awesome and saves me!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment