This thing called life

I am trying this thing out called life.  Some of you may have heard of it.  It is this thing where you do things. Interact with people, do every day chores like laundry and grocery shopping and other things besides go to doctor appointments or sit in an apartment staring at the walls and crying,

It is not my old life, but it is my new life.  I am still working on a new life.  Trying to build one.  It helps that I have a great friend now that is also unemployed.  We spend the days together when other people are working.  And he understands if I am having an off day, a pissy day, an uncomfortable day, etc.  I don't have to apologize for me even though I constantly do.  I gotta work on that too.  I am me and I have to stop saying sorry for that.

I do greatly miss working.   I miss it so much I cry sometimes.  Aspects of my job were very frustrating but I did love my job.  Loved the kids and families and the differences and the ultimate sameness of the families.  I loved the acceptance and trust I was able to build with the families.  Sometimes it was hard being the Caucasian female in the African american world. I did not want to be THAT lady.  The white one trying to come in and save the day and change everything...etc.  I was the cool lady that came.  Mothers and fathers and extended family accepted me and welcomed me into their homes.  That was awesome!!  It is hard sometimes when I see the family members on the streets at the store, etc.  It hurts.  Sometimes I almost want to cry.  That is the biggest part of my old life  I miss the  most.  Sometimes I still see kids out in the neighborhood and they talk to me.  HI MISS KARA!!!!  and they tell me their problems and want me to "fix" them.  I offer verbal support and cheer them on when I can.

So part of this Life thing I am doing is that I am going to babysit 2-3 days a week.  Going to babysit for my neighbors granddaughter.  She is 3-4 years old.  That will be cool.  I will get the need for child interaction out of my system and I will get a little bit of money.  Between babysitting and all of the TBI research studies I am in I will be pimping.  :)  HAHAHA....or getting some money to buy groceries at least.

After my next neuro appointment Nov 11, I find out when I get my Diamond encrusted platinum plate.  So as parts of my life slowly come together and I get bits and pieces of good news here and there it helps me.  Helps so much.  Some day in the future I will be whole again, will get a job, will have self confidence, and will be my old kick ass self and I will conquer the world with my head held high!!!!!  I just need to be patient not A PATIENT.