Thanks

Tis the season of thanks. I have been kind of thinking about this. So here goes nothing.

I am thankful to be alive. I may be frustrated and angry and upset about this life, but it is a life...I am alive. I could be dead or vegetative. I could be more severely disabled, I could have lost all of me. I say I am version 2.0 but I am not that far from the original.

I am thankful I have a job. The year unemployed and having immense fear and anxiety and self doubt of ever being employed again were not good. That year was the pits. It was depression at its finest.

I am thankful that I have an amazingly awesome father who has been there for me when I almost died, and helped me when I was trying to come back to life. He has supported me, and cheered me on and has put up with and learned to love all my different versions. If I could, I would give him the world. But I have the feeling being alive is more than enough for him.

I am extremely thankful that I did not lose the part of my brain that deals with long term memory. If that part was damaged I would have lost all memories of my mom..and memories are all I have left of her.

I am thankful for my friends that trust me with their son. To some people, it would be no big deal. To the original version of me, it would be no big deal. But to this version it means a lot that they trust me. I know I am capable, I know I am better than I give myself credit for, but it really does make me feel good that they have trusted me and do trust me to be in charge of their son.

I am thankful for the friend I have made after my brain scramble. He puts up with the best and worst of me. He has seen me at my lowest my most confused frustrating moments of myself. He puts up with the good, bad and ugly, and the sarcastic smart ass I am. :) He has nothin to compare me to, never knew the original, but he has seen my progression from what I was a year ago to now.


I am so very thankful for my facebook brain scrambled family. We all understand each other the way no one else can. Without them, I think I would feel more lost than I do feel.

Thankful that I am slowly gaining confidence, I doubt myself less, and I am trying to find a balance in my life. I am not 100% of what I was, but I am 90% of what I am now. I need to shake off some self doubt, become more confident, stop having so many damn doctor appointments and I will be 100% of this version.

I am thankful that in 2011 I did not have any surgeries. Since 2009 I have been having no less than 2 a year. That is a record I am glad to break.

I am thankful that I am still able to articulate well via writing. I still get the best of me out when writing rather than speaking. But I am so glad I did not lose this skill. So thank you all for reading my ramblings the past 1.5 years.