Life- Full Force

April has been busy busy busy.

Physical Therapy 2 times a week.  Fighting with unemployment.  Applying for jobs.  Getting physicals for a job I got, starting said job and having my head pop off.

I dont know if it is me, or if the job experience at this agency is as confusing as I think it is.  I get so flustered, overwhelemed, yet zone out, get frustrated, feel lost mentally and physically, yet it is what it is.  Can't live life by not living it.

After I accepeted this job I got a call from UPMC asking if I wanted to interview for one of the batrillion jobs I applied for.  OMG, talked about geeked.  It would be full time, with benefits.  In case y'all don't know, I NEED BENEFITS since going to all sorts of doctors really is my part time job.

I interviewed for the job and it went well.  They are going through the process of all the background checks.  I am geeked and anxious.  And don't bother telling me everyone gets anxious about new jobs.  I know, I have had new jobs before.  But this is a different anxiety.  Don't try to compare normal to brain injured.  I get frustrated when people do that.  I know you all mean well when you say things like that, but I do get frustrated.  This anxiety, self doubt, etc is way different than "normal".  I have to worry about things you wouldn't have to.  But like I been saying, I am going balls to the wall.  And if I get this job for sure and if I fuck up and fail and get let go or have to quit, at least I can then probably get disability.  Not that I want it, I do have some pride and I KNOW I can work if people can be patient with me and give me a wicked big learning curve.

Right now between Job 1, potential of UPMC job, unemployment and having to have yet another appeal for it, random medical issues, June 21st coming up (the big trial, trying again), mom being sick.  Finally basically telling 2 "friends" goodbye and fuck off, making new friends and then almost instantly losing them, I am on brain drain, emotion drain, balls to the wall fukitol.  I gotta do me.  So if I become more self centered I am sorry.  I am all about me, I gotta do me.